The Sie Kensou Show
by BlackRob88
Summary: The next chapter of Kensou and friends sketch comedy. See parodies of KOF, SNK, video games and pop culture in general.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own KOF. SNK does and there is probably no way I can unless SNK goes broke again and then I could probably buy the rights to SNK.

So what is the Sie Kensou Show? It's a sketch comedy making fun of characters from the King of Fighters series and a few other SNK games and other stuff. They're crack stories, meaning they're not going to make sense or be in canon. That means some characters are going to do and say things that they normally don't do. So leave me the hell alone. Now, on to the show.

"Ladies and Gentlemen" proclaimed Chin Gentsai, who managed to be one of the shows announcers. "I would like to present to you our host, the man who's been having wardrobe malfunctions long before Janet Jackson showed the world her tit. One of my best pupils and Athena's number one fanboy, Sie Kensou."

The crowd cheers as a white Rolls Royce Phantom drives onto the stage. A chauffeur comes out and opens the back door, allowing Kensou to step out. The crowd cheers even louder as he steps to the microphone.

"Hello folks welcome to the Sie Kensou Show." spoke Kensou as he was playing with the microphone. "Did he just call me a fanboy, he knows I'm her friend. His old ass is just mad because he's probably going to die soon. Anyway how ya'll doing. If you don't know, the Sie Kensou Show is where we make fun of a bunch of stuff including my fellow fighters like Terry Bogard." The screen above Kensou shows Terry on a toilet with his pants down trying to block the camera.

"Mai" (shows her popping out of a bathtub, surprising Andy as he was washing up)

"Joe" (shows a picture of him grabbing Lilly Kane's ass in front of Billy)

"King" (shows a picture of her beating up a health inspector)

"Kyo" (Shows four pictures of him. One is a current pic, one is a picture of him ten years from now, one twenty years, and one as an old man. All of them show him in school as a student.)

"Iori"(shows him slashing Barney to death)

"Kim"(shows him arresting Osama Bin Laden)

"Bao" (shows him wearing a dress)

"Master Chin" (shows him passed out and drunk in a garbage dumpster)

"Athena" (shows her smacking a one of her fans)

"And of course, me" (shows him being fed and massaged by three beautiful women)

"Now lets get it cracking." Said Kensou as he hopped back in the Rolls Royce.

(the sound of tv static)

"Does the lack of boost in Full Throttle make you feel half assed? Do you think Red Bull is a bunch of red bullshit?" Asked a man in a room holding a drink can. "Then we have the energy drink for you, Yamazaki's drink. Made from the man himself, it is filled with supercharged ingredients, such as alcohol, steroids, horse tranquilizers, roofies, ecstasy, and Mountain Dew. This drink will get you amped up.

Shingo comes and takes a sip. Within a few seconds he starts bouncing around, punching holes through the wall, falling around and starts foaming at the mouth.

"YYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" screamed a drugged up Shingo.

A warning comes onto the screen saying, "This drink may cause nausea, diarrhea, cancer, foaming of the mouth, shrunken genitalia, psychotic behavior, urinary problems, and the habit of sticking your hand in your pocket. Please do not drink if you have Orochi blood in your system."

"Orochi blood?" asked the man. "Wait, doesn't Yamazaki have Orochi……."

Just then Yamazaki tore through a wall, killing a few producers on the way and coming toward the man.

(tv static)

"Hey with all this talk of sending illegal immigrants, are you worried they're going to send you back to Mexico, Ramon?" asked Kensou.

"Well I don't have much to worry about since I 'VE ALREADY BEEN LIVING THERE!" gradually yelled Ramon.

"Hey don't get mad at me because they sent you back."

Ramon swiftly gave him a punch to the face.

(tv static)

As Ryo and Yuri was backing out their car, they ran over a strange bump. Yuri looked out her window to realize something.

"I think we just ran over Mr. Todoh" informed Yuri.

Ryo quickly threw the car in drive and reverse, repeatedly running over Todoh.

"Yep we sure did." said Ryo with a smirk on his face. As the car started backing out again, Yuri pressed her brothers foot on the pedal, hurling the car backwards.

"Whoa, we just ran over Malin. We've just killed two birds with one stone." commented Ryo.

"Or one car." joked Yuri, as the Sakazaki siblings started laughing.

(tv static)

"Wow look at all the fan mail I get." Said Mai as she had just dumped a bag full of mail, with Terry, Andy and Joe looked on. " I get plenty of mail from men, but there's only one man I'll answer." said Mai as she seductively rubbed up on Andy.

"Why won't this bitch leave me alone?" mumbled Andy under his breathe.

"What did you say?" asked Mai.

"I said I want to give Mary's dog a bone" answered Andy.

"Mai, one man sent you a gift," informed Terry.

"Oh good" said my as she ripped opened the package. When she picked up the item, a bit of disgust hit her face.

"Eww. They're edible panties."

"Yeah, gives new meaning to the phrase "Eating Out." quipped Joe. Everyone one in the room looked at Joe with disgust.

(tv static)

"Eh this yo boy T.I. telling you Kensou will be right back after these commercials." Said the rapper.

Please go easy on me. I typed this kind of fast, and was tired so there are probably lots of mistakes in it. Please review.


	2. Chapter 2

I thought I told ya'll last time I don't own the KOF series.

"This is Chamillionaire, and we are back with the Sie Kensou Show ya heard."

"Yeah and like he says "Its Going Down." says Kensou.

"That's Yung Joc, fool," replied Chamillionaire.

"Shut up. You can ride my jock"

(tv static)

It was a bright, sunny day in Southtown. A cool breeze blew and the air was filled with…fire works.

"Ahhh," said Kensou, as he sniffed the air. "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."

"Uhh, it's 2o'clock in the afternoon." Bao answered. "And that's not napalm you're smelling, that smell is your shirt on fire."

Kensou quickly threw off the shirt, stomped the fire out, and then weirdly took out another jacket from out of nowhere.

"YYYYEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" a still drugged up Shingo screamed as he hopped around.

"Shingo man, that sketch ended last chapter." Kensou told Shingo.

"Oh, okay. I heard you got some good fireworks." Shingo said.

"Yeah, I sure do." Kensou opened the trunk of the car exposing the goods. "Like Fat Joe and Nelly says get it poppin."

Kensou, Bao, and Shingo pull up to the Bogard residence. Shingo hurries out the car, puts a small bomb in the mailbox then hurries up and gets back into the car.

"BOOM!" the mailbox is reduced to ashes scattering the contents on the inside. Kensou's burn out as they laugh all the way. The Bogard brothers and Joe Higashi quickly run out to investigate.

"WHO THE HELL WOULD DO THIS? Damn 4th of July pranksters." Terry angrily yelled. Joe bends over to pick up a scorched letter.

"NO! My welfare check." cried a disappointed Joe.

"Welfare check? You're getting welfare checks sent to our house. Do you realize that's fraud." Terry asked.

"Well…..Yawwww…." Joe screamed as he ran off.

Back to Kensou's car.

"So who's our next victim?" asked Kensou.

They arrive at the grave of Geese Howard. "Damn is he really even dead?" Shingo asked. "I don't know but I hate the man anyway so." Kensou lights the bomb, drops it on his grave and runs like hell.

"BOOM!" the grave turns into pieces of flying rocks.

"YEAHHH!" The three of them say in victory. Suddenly a chunk of the grave pops up and hits Bao in his head hard, knocking him unconscious.

"YEAHHH!" Kensou and Shingo screams in enjoyment again. Kensou throws Bao's knocked out body in the car and pulls off.

"What happened?" asked Bao waking up. "Awww nothing. We're just about to go to our next victim." Kensou answered. "Who would that be?"

"Duck King."

They arrive at Duck King's house looking for something to blow up. They soon find some old DJing equipment outside net to a small pond.

"Man he ain't going to miss that, he probably just threw it out," said Kensou. Little did he know that was where he kept his duck P-Chan. Kensou quickly lit the explosive and ran like hell.

"BOOM!" As the boys all celebrated, P-Chans dead, burned body landed at their feet. "Oh my god." Bao yelled. "You killed his duck."

"Kensou, you bastard." Said Shingo.

"Okay lets not panic, I know the perfect way to dispose of the body." Kensou tried to convince.

"How?"

(a few minutes later)

"Hmmm, man this duck is so tender, man ya'll Chinese know how to roast duck."

"Hey if that's a racial slur you can shut up."

"Awwshit, its Duck King." Bao warned the two.

Duck King ran up to the guys standing by the car. They quickly threw the duck in the car as he ran up.

"Uh, what are ya'll doing?" asked Duck King.

"Aw, we ain't doing nothing but postin' up." Kensou said while looking very suspicious.

"Yeah postin' up." Replied Shingo

"Yeah, have ya'll seen my duck P-Chan?"

"Nope, naw, un-un." quickly answered Kensou, and Shingo.

"Nope, I ain't seen no duck, no. We're just here eating chicken, not duck, not especially your duck, no--- owww!" Kensou quickly stomped on Bao's foot shutting him up.

"What happened to all my old DJ table and why are there feathers all around here."

"EVERYBODY GET IN THE CAR NOW." Kensou, Shingo, and Bao quickly jumps in the car and burns out.

"You're a real idiot Bao, no wonder nobody likes you." Kensou angrily told Bao.

"Fuck you Kensou." Bao fired back.

"OK, ya'll we have to be more careful with these little bombs." Kensou pleaded to the boys. Unknowingly, Kensou accidentally light the bomb in his hand.

"Kensou, the bomb!" Bao shouted. Kensou quickly threw the bomb to Bao.

"Here Bao, everybody thinks you're annoying anyway." Kensou told Bao.

"Well I don't see you with a big ass fanbase, now do we?" Bao answered back. With the bomb almost about ignite Kensou panics.

"Alright everybody, get the fuck out of the car." The three quickly jump out of the rolling car, onto a grassy lot. The car continues to roll, before the ensuing explosion rips the cars inside up.

The three watch the inside of the car burns before Shingo comments.

"You know I think there's a lesson to be learned here."

"Yeah, blame everything on Bao." blurted Kensou

"HEY!"

(tv static)

"Hello Mr. Sakazaki." Greeted a young police officer.

"Takuma is it?"

"Yes officer."

"Yes there is a report of two missing people, a Ryuhaku Todoh, and Malin whatever-the-hell-her-last-name, was last seen around here, and we have witness reports that a car coming from this driveway with two assailants recognized as Ryo and Yuri Sakazaki, were driving the car. I'm here to question them."

"Ryo, Yuri, get your asses out here right now." said Takuma, yelling out for his kids. As soon as they came out the officer responded.

"Hello, I'm with the Southtown Police Department. I'm here to ask you a few questions about the disappearance of Ryuhaku Todoh and Malin. Would you two know anything this issue?"

"Naw we don't know anything, we ain't seen them, we don't know nothing, ain't seen them, I don't even know who they are, we can't even afford a car, what the fuck kind of name is Malin," the Sakazaki siblings quickly answered.

"Really well I have several pictures, from an undisclosed source, showing the opposite. Here is a picture of you two backing over Todoh, the next few pictures show you two repeatedly backing over him, and the last picture show you guys running over Malin. And oh I have to say that's a very nice Lexus you two were in."

"Hey I didn't buy that car for you guys to run over people." smirked rich boy Robert Garcia.

"Shut up, Robert!" yelled Ryo.

"Officer, may I have a word with you?" asked Takuma, gesturing to the officer to come his direction. The moment the officer walked over there, Takuma quickly grabbed the officer's head and with a mighty twist snapped his neck.

"DADDY!" screamed Yuri as the officer's body fell and crumpled on the floor.

"How do dare you two dishonor the Sakazaki name by commiting these atrocities." gnarled a pissed Takuma, so mad a several veins were popping at of his head.

"Wait dad, you just killed a police officer," Ryo responded.

"See that's the problem with you youngsters today, always concentrating on someone else's fault and never on their own. I'm going to have to discipline you kids in a way I haven't in years. Robert, go get me a switch, while you two get in position." Takuma quickly demanded.

"Yes sir." Robert proudly responded. Ryo and Yuri leans over the arm of a couch dropping their pants, while Robert runs off and quickly returns with a large tree branch.

"That's not a switch, that's a damn tree branch," said Ryo.

"Its perfect. Now—wait a minute." Takuma quickly pulls out the Mr. Karate mask and puts it on.

"Hell yeah, now Mr. Karate is about to get in that ass," said Mr. Karate as cocked back with the branch and took a mighty swing, making contact with Ryo and Yuri's posterior. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWW," screamed the Sakazaki siblings as the branch hit the flesh hard.

(tv static)

"Live from the Southtown Cingular Wireless Civic Center(try saying that three times fast), it's pop princess Athena Asamiya, for three shows only. Get your tickets now!" yelled an announcer.

"The first show has been sold out. That's right sold out."

"The second show has been, yes folks, sold out."

"The third show has unfortunately been sold out."

"So what the fuck am I doing this commercial for?" questioned the announcer.

(tv static)

In a large field a flowers Mai and Andy are romantically dancing and rolling a small hill.

"I love you so much Andy, I hope this moment never ends." Mai, in a long white gown, told him, while caressing his face.

"I know you do Mai, but there is something I have to tell you." said Andy in A white dress suit.

"What is it Andy?"

"I'm gay, Mai. I like other dudes, I like penises, I'm homosexual."

Mai's jaw dropped like an anchor the minute she heard Andy's words. "Could he be serious." She thought to herself.

"I'm gay Mai, I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay, I'm gay………….

"I'm gay," whispered Yuri in Mai's ear while she slept. Mai quickly woke up realizing Yuri was messing with her dream. "That was you all the time wasn't it?" Mai suspected as Yuri and King came in with big smiles on they're faces. "It was my idea, Yuri just felt it was funny enough she wanted to do it, so I let her."

"King, Yuri, you two are going to pay for this."

(tv static)

"Okay," said Kensou to the audience. "People ask me if I was with Athena, which some day I will, what kind of couple would we be like. Would we be like Brittany and Kevin? Hopefully not, but I did a skit to see what it would be like, check it out."

In a large mansion, sits Kensou on a couch surrounded by a bunch of beer bottles and half eaten meat buns. Athena (sounding like Brittany) comes into the room and tells Kensou, "Honey, I'm about to go on another world tour, how about getting off your ass and doing something with your life, Kensou."

"Aye yo Bitch, don't talk to me like that." Kensou responded. "I'm about to hit the studio and finish my rap album up, ain't that right Youngbloodz."

The Youngbloodz, J-Bo and Sean Paul come in. "Yeah, he about to hit the studio with us," answered J-Bo (who is Andre 3000's cousin). "Kensou, how many times do I have to tell you that you can't rap, you're not a thug and you're not black," informed Athena.

"Bitch don't stomp on my dreams like that, I'll slap you with my pimp hand."

"Spell pimp, Kensou"

"P-E-M-P," Kensou miserably answered.

"Dumbass,"

"Slut whore,"

Suddenly, Athena jumps on Kensou and starts kissing each other.

"OK," said Kensou back with the audience. "I know they just broke up, but what if our relationship was like Whitney and Bobby's. Hmmmmm…

In a room with a table full of crack, Kensou and Athena are talking.

"Damn, baby when are we going more crack?" queried Athena with a pipe in her hand.

"What are you talking about girl, we got all this crack on the table," answered Kensou.

"But we probably going to smoke it before the end of the night,"

"Hey lets send Bao to go get us some crack,"

"I think we sold him for crack money?" answered Athena.

"What about Master Chin?"

"He died of a coke and Viagra overdose while drunk driving,"

"Damn, hey Shingo go get us some more crack,"

"My mom said if she catches with them drug dealers again at the trap, she's going to kick my ass. Besides you have all those drugs right there, smoke that." Shingo told Kensou and Athena.

"He's right baby, I was so concentrated on getting more drugs, I forgot about the crack we already had. Let's smoke this together baby, then we can eat some crack meat buns,"

"Okay," agreed Athena, and the two smoked the night away.

"Alright folks, we're going to be right back after this break," Kensou told the audience as they loudly cheered.

(tv static)

Sorry folks about the delay. I kept on putting it off, and off, but I eventually got around to doing it again. If you don't like it don't review. But if you do, then review.


	3. Chapter 3

"Aye, y'all know what time it is," announced Big Boy of the popular hip hop duo, Outkast. "It's time to get back to the Sie Kensou show."

**(TV STATIC)**

It was way after midnight and the setting was a late night bar and pub. You know, it's one of those places that if you got a little cash in your pockets-- shoot, tonight just may be your lucky night. The bar was lively and for once (a very rare occurrence), there was more females in the place than it was males. So, our boy Kensou decided that he should stop by the place and check it out.

"Hey, I know you," Says a spikey-hair blonde dude that was also a famous warrior. And no, we're not talking about one of those cats from DragonBall Z. "You're Sie Kensou. I heard that you're the man now. How's life been treating you?"

Sie took a seat on a stool right beside the dude. "I'm good man." He replied. "What about you though? I'm surprised that you're still alive. I mean, Midgar has gone through so much shit. It's a miracle that it is still standing."

Cloud nodded his head with a sardonic chuckle. "I'm a be alright. Sephiroth couldn't fade me, you know?" Cloud relayed. "I got enough Phoenix Downs to supply an army."

"Yeah. Good to know that you're still breathing." Kensou told him. "I like that movie you starred in too. Advent Children," Kensou made a gesture with his hands by waving them. "All that flying and shit... along with those silver-haired idiots."

Cloud laughed. "Oh, you mean Kadaj and his crew. Yeah, that fool had it coming."

"I know, right? I mean, that guy was whining through the whole damn movie... but he really didn't even did shit."

"Yeah." Cloud said and took a chief on a Black & Mild. "But enough about that, man. I heard that you're doing it big lately. Your hit show is a big success now. It's up there with Dave Chappelle, Wild N Out, and The Flava of Love. You're making that good money now. Shoot, I even heard that you've finally gotten into Athena's drawers now."

Kensou grinned sheepishly. What goes on between him and Athena wasn't any of Cloud's business. He let it slide. "Yeah. My show's cool. The money's okay. It's enough to pay the bills. And enough to go out on a few date to Moe's with Athena." He called over the female bartender. "Hey, give me a Corona. Let me get a lick now, baby. I don't want nothing weak."

Cloud narrowed his Black N Mild reddened eyes in question. "Oh really?"

"Yeah dude. It's some pretty decent cash in my pockets," Kensou shrugged.

"Wow. And here I thought that you were an instant millionaire." Said Cloud, releasing his grip on his huge Buster Sword secretly. "Let's just hope that you don't pull off a Dave Chappelle by doing a season and a half and run off all of a sudden."

Kensou grinned. "I won't, man. I won't."

The bartender returned with a bottle of Corona for Kensou. Cloud resumed watching the television on the wall behind the bar. A moment later, Eiji Kisaragi entered the pub and sat next to cloud. The ninja was holding a small notepad and he seemed peeved about something. "Damn..." he muttered.

Kensou recognized the ninja right away. "Hey Eiji! How's life been treating you, man?"

"Shit, I can't call it," relays the homicidal maniac. "I missed him. I've missed that fool, Strider Hiryu! My damn dart missed his heart by a centimeter!"

"Huh?" The fellow mercenary wondered. "Somebody put a hit out on Strider Hiryu? I can't believe that?"

"No," said Eiji. "I just wanted to kill him. I'm tired of people assuming that I'm related to him. The hell is wrong with them?" Eiji nodded his head. "I'm a mercenary with no feelings that doesn't mind murdering people. Strider's a techno geek! How the hell are we similar besides being ninja with brown hair, huh?"

"Uh..." Kensou wanted to say something about that but he decided not to. "Nevermind."

"Damn it," Eiji continued. "I had to beat up Cody Travers an inch of his life because I mentioned that he has tons of similarities to Billy and Jimmy Lee from Double Dragon! The fuck is wrong with him?"

"Man, Cody can't deny that." Clouded nodded, puffing out smoke. "I mean, the entire concept behind Final Fight was rescuing the hero's girlfriend from a gang of thugs-- just like Double Dragon."

"Fucking A!" Eiji agreed.

"You guys are a trip." Kensou laughed. "Hey, let's just forget about our problems and kick back and enjoy ourselves for tonight. There's a lot of sexy girls here and you two are blue."

"Whatever." Cloud muttered and took another drag.

Something peculiar come on the news. "_Sie Kensou, the executive producer of the Sie Kensou has earned millions of dollars from his first season. He has a movie in the works and two KOF games in the near future starring him. Congratulations, and keep up the good work!"_

Kensou gasped. "Oh shit!"

Cloud and Eiji eyed Kensou suspiciously before an evil smirk appeared on both their faces. "It seems to me that you're making way more than enough to pay your bills, Kensou." Cloud told Kensou.

"Yeah," Eiji seconded. "It's a huge surprise that a big timer such as yourself would be hanging around a place like this."

In an instant, the attractive bartender returned to the scene with a glock pointed directly at Kensou's face. "For that Corona, that'll be five hundred thousand dollars." She demanded.

Kensou's eyes widened in shock. "Bitch are you crazy!?" He glanced over to both Cloud and Eiji in hopes that they will support him. To his horror, Cloud had his Buster Sword at ready and Eiji brandished an AK-47. "What the hell? Oh no! Not you guys!"

"You shut the fuck up, give us a million a piece and you'll live." Eiji growled.

"We accept checks as well." Said Cloud.

"Shit..." Kensou grumbled and pulled out his checkbook.

And the madness didn't end there, the next day, Ed Elric threatened to kill Kensou after he refused to pay $20,000,000 for washing his Range Rover.

"Man! Can't you do some alchemy to make twenty million appear out of thin air?" Kensou spat, pissed off that Ed charged him too much for a mere car wash. "Damn!"

Ed let him see the gun on his waist. "Nope. No equivalent trade. Now pay up." Ed demanded.

"Uh... give me my keys and I'll get my checkbook from my glove compartment." Kensou tried to make an excuse to escape the situation.

"Nah uh..." Ed cackled. "You're not smart enough. Hey Mustang, come here for a sec."

Colonel Mustang arrived and received the keys to the sports utility vehicle from Ed. "I'm on it." Mustang said as he went to Kensou's Range Rover. "While I'm going through this trouble, I would like twenty million myself." He grinned.

"Man, damn!" Kensou groaned in defeat.

**(STATIC)**

"Hey Iori, let me talk to you for a sec." Said Kensou.

"What the hell do you want?" Iori replied in a bored tone.

Kensou grinned. He couldn't help himself. "What do you call nuts on the wall?"

Iori sighed... it was the jokes again. "Walnuts, you idiot."

Kensou's grin grew wider. "Okay, okay... what do you call nuts on your chest?"

The hell is that boy going with this, Iori thought. "You better not be trying to be funny," Iori warned. "They're called chestnuts. Happy now?"

"Ooh... you're good. Alright..." Kensou started chuckling like a fool now. "What do you call nuts on your chin?"

Iori frowned. "Man, I'm not even going to answer that one. If I did, then I'm going to have to kick your ass."

"Aw man! Iori, you're no fun, man!" Kensou frowned as well... before grinning again. "I'll tell you this: I had my nuts on your 'new' girlfriend's chin Friday night!" Kensou revealed, much to Iori's surprise. "Man! No wonder they call your girl a Blockhead."

Iori was enraged now, "You sonuvabitch! I'll kill you!"

Kensou ran away from him while laughing his head off.

**(TV STATIC)**

**Coming soon to a theatre near you...**

"Yuki! I'm home!" Kyo announced as he entered the house and sat on the couch. "Man am I tired! That Ryu keeps getting better and better."

Yuki's voice was heard from upstairs, apprehensive. "Uh-- co... coming, baby!"

Kyo fired up the XBox 360 and began playing Saints Row. "Hey, maybe we should go out to that French restaurant tonight?"

"Um... yeah! I would love to." Yuki's voice was laced with guilt.

_What's with her? _Kyo thought. He continued doing drive-bys in a Cadillac. A moment later, Yuki entered the living room, wearing lingerie and draped in a bath robe. "Hey, what's with the sexy lingerie Yuki? I told you on the cell to get yourself ready for tonight's date."

Yuki blushed, "Oh... that. How could I have forgotten something like that? Darn it, goofy me." She closed her eyes and started giggling sheepishly. Unknown to Kyo, there was a huge bead of sweat on the back of her head. "Just a second. I'll change clothes right away."

Kyo caught a scent. "I don't meant to be rude, but don't you think you should take a good hot shower first?" He inquired her. The smell bothered him.

"Oh right! Shower first! I'll get to it!" Yuki bowed and sprinted towards the stairs.

That smell was most peculiar. "Yuki, what wrong with you? Why are you acting weird, huh?" He approached his off and on girlfriend and noticed her face has guilt written all across it. "Is there something wrong?"

"Ah! No! Nothing at all! E--e... every...thin-- everything's fine!" Yuki stammered.

Kyo narrowed his eyes. "Hmm... I don't buy it." He stated, noticing something about her neck. "What the heck? Yuki, those are hickies on your neck! Has Iori sneaked in here and raped you?"

"No! No baby! It's nothing!" Yuki persisted with feigned innocence. "It was just the cat. I accidentally put cat nip on my neck and he jumped on me. Ah ha ha ha ha..."

Kyo frowned, heading upstairs. "It's Kensou again, isn't it? Damn it! Just wait til I get my hands on him."

"Kyo! No! Don't go in there!" Yuki pleaded.

"No way! You think you're slick! I'm going to go up there and find out who it is!" Kyo exclaimed.

"Kyo! For the love of-- don't go in there!"

Kyo kicked Yuki's bedroom door down. "Alright you! Are you ready for an ass whooping, Kusanagi style?" His eyes suddenly widened in shock. "What the fuck?"

There wasn't a man in Yuki's bed.

It was a woman... to be more specific, a succubus.

"Hello there, big boy?"

And her name is Morrigan Aenslad!

Kyo's mouth was hanging wide open in shock. "What the? When did this happen?"

"I'm sorry, baby." Yuki informed her boyfriend apologetically. "She's been coming in my room for months."

"What are you so soft about?" Morrigan asked Kyo.

"Man... my girl got a girlfriend," Kyo uttered in complete awe.

**It's the blockbuster hit of the season, 'My Girl Got A Girlfriend!'**

"Whoa." Said an astonished Heavy D! while he was trimming the edges of Joe Higashi's hair. "That's messed up, Terry. I'm sorry to hear that man."

"That's not right. Morrigan's been stealing Mary at night." Terry said angrily. "Man, I was playing Madden last night, the cheerleaders started to look sexy to me."

"Shoot, you're not doing anything," Joe exclaimed. "Since Morrigan been taking Lilly Kane out, I was reading a hentai manga and giving myself a hand job. And she's taking all the girls, so I go to the bathroom with a bottle of lotion every night, its fucked up man."

Terry looked at Joe in a stupid way. "What?"

"Man, you been doing that!" Heavy D! said it like it was nothing new. "You've been giving yourself a handjob reading hentai manga for years, Joe. You can't fool us!"

Terry, Ryo and Heavy D! started laughing.

"Man, forget you two." Joe frowned.

"Damn, ever since Morrigan came around, King has been staying out all night with her," a disappointed Ryo said.

"Uh, Ryo? King seems like a girl who already had a girlfriend long before Morrigan came around," joked Joe trying to regain composure. Ryo quickly threw a magazine at the kickboxer, hitting him in the head. Outside the barbershop, they could hear Andy yelling. "What's gotten into him?"

"I hope it isn't what I think it is?" Said Terry, dreading the worse.

The trio rushed outside the barbershop and saw Andy complain to Mai. In the middle of the road was a black Suburban with 28's on it and Morrigan was in the driver seat. And to make this moment more painful, the SUV was full of young, attractive women. One of them was Hoops from Flavor of Love. Sitting right next to her was Buffie the Body, a woman with an ass equivalent of Mai's breast. On the other side was the video vixen 'Superhead'.

"Mai, why the hell are you doing this to me?" Andy beseeched.

"What do you think, Andy?" Mai retorted. "You've never paid enough attention to me."

"But, Mai! I love you!" Andy confessed. "Please don't run off with that she-devil! She's has you under a spell!"

Mai rolled her eyes. "Ooh, now you wanna say that you love me. It's too late for that now. Andy, I've been chasing you for almost twenty years, and for what-- nothing!! You should have done that way before I met Morrigan!"

"Mai! This isn't fair!" Andy exclaimed.

"I know!" Said Mai. "It's called reality. Now here's two words for you: Nippon Ichii!!" Mai bounced like a ball longer than intended for emphasis of what Andy will be missing. "Or 'Me Bouncy!' or whatever the hell I say in my win poses. Here's a bosom bounce for the last time!"

"That never gets old." Joe was getting a hard on.

"Mai! No!" Andy complained.

"It's over, Andy. Goodbye!" Mai climbed in the passenger seat of the Suburban and slammed the door. Her head disappeared from the guys' view in the window as it went straight onto Morrigan's lap. Morrigan's eyes rolled to the back of her head and she drove off.

"NOOOOO!!" Andy yelled in defeat.

"Poor Andy..." Terry lamented.

"These are sad times for men everywhere." Sighed Heavy D!

"Andy, I never thought that you would ever confess that you loved Mai." Joe wondered. "And all this time I thought that you were lactose intolerant."

Terry, Andy, Ryo and Heavy D! stared at Joe. After a long silence, they slapped him.

"Hey!"

**You can forget about The Grudge 2 and Saw III. The thriller hit of the season is My Girl Got A Girlfriend. And it's coming to theatres near you!**

"Well, I hope there's room for one more in there," Kyo remarked as he quickly took off his clothes, and jumped in the bed.

**(TV STATIC)**

"You know Kensou, so many people has supposedly died during KOF tournaments, but it always seems like they come back to life somehow. You know like Geese, Vice, Mature, Shermie, Yashiro, Chris, Diana, people like them," Shingo pondered.

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Kensou responded after quickly sipping on a cup of Hennessy. "Oh, did I tell you about the time I went San Francisco with Athena. It was weird but funny. See I went to McDonalds to get something to eat right. Guess who I saw working there."

(Flashback)

"Hi, welcome McDonalds, may I take your order?" asked a very attractive blonde woman.

"Yeah, I'll take a number one Big Mac meal and…wait you look familiar. Oh my god its Mature. I thought Iori killed you but instead you've fallen into obscurity, working at a Mickey D's." Kensou astonishingly announced. There she was Rugal's former secretary and assassin reduced to making a living for herself, at a low paying fast food joint.

"Oh God, it's the psychic Chinese boy. What do you want?" said Mature sounding none to pleased. Kensou glanced around and noticed another familiar woman, this time at the grill. She had shorter browner hair.

"Damn is that Vice? Oh shit, she's flipping burgers." Kensou giggled unable to keep his laughter in. Soon Vice came to the counter where both of them were.

"You're right, it is the bastard." Vice said, sounding neither more pleased than her associate.

"Aye, do ya'll know, it's a thin line, between fries and shake," sang Kensou, ridiculing the former secretaries. "The leanest burger in the world, can be the meanest burger in the world if you grill it that way," he continued with a surprisingly good voice. "So what do ya'll do, use the old hamburger meat as dildos and squirt ketchup, mustard and secret sauce over each other in the bedroom."

"You're going to pay for that last remark," just as an enraged Vice was to jump over the counter, she was held back by Mature. "Remember what the manager said. If you attack another customer, we're going to be cleaning out the restrooms, and they smell like shit in there." Vice immediately subsided her anger once she heard the warning.

"Aw man. Ya'll went from bringing back the Orochi, to bringing up people's orders. You know what I'm not even that hungry anymore, I'm out."

(end of flashback)

"That's really what happened?" asked Shingo, with a certain look of disbelief on his face. "For real that's what happened. But you should have seen who was working at the Foot Locker at Southtown-Decatur Mall."

"Who?"

(Flashback)

In a crowded Foot Locker at the mall, Kensou walks in looking for a new pair of shoes. "Sir? Can I try on those new Lebrons in a size 10?" Kensou asked one of the employees. Kensou looked the employee in the face and caught another whiff of familiarity.

"Aren't you Chris, the little Orochi boy?" Kensou questioned. Within a few seconds, a large muscular man with silver gray hair, and a young woman with red hair and a ponytail walked up to Kensou. "May we help you?" asked the large man.

"Yashiro, Shermie? You all work here. How you guys been doing ever since the Orochi got its ass kicked?"

"Oh its you the Psycho Soldier. Nothing really, just working here and working on our music," answered Yashiro. "You buying shoes here. One more sell for us and we get 15 off anything in the store."

"Uh sure why not?"

(end of flashback)

"Wow! They work at some really surprising places."

"Yeah they sure do."

**(TV STATIC)**

"You know what Galford?" Kensou asked the blond ninja.

"What's up?"

"Nothing its just that I was reading your profile, and it said you were born in the 1700's right."

"Yeah"

"And you're from Texas right?"

"Yeah"

"Well I read in a book that Texas wasn't a state in the 1700's. In fact the land that Texas is on now was Mexican land back then, making you Mexican," informed Kensou.

"So wait, NO!" screamed Galford. Suddenly, Galford started dancing around in a sombrero, poncho, maracas in one hand, and a taco in the other to the tune of La Cucaracha. "Wow I did not see that one coming," laughed Kensou.

**(TV STATIC)**

"Alright, we about to go on break, but before we do I have a treat for ya'll. Chris dancing like Chris Brown."

The stage shows Chris in his normal clothes, ripping them off anime style, and now wearing a large blue polo shirt, large baggy jeans, blue BAPES, and an Atlanta Braves New Era baseball cap. The song 'Gimme That' by Chris Brown comes on and Chris remarkably dances just like Chris Brown in the video, with well-choreographed movements and dances.

"I knew I let that boy watch too much BET," muttered Yashiro.

"Damn, that boy can dance. Alright don't go anywhere folks," said Kensou. "The Sie Kensou Show will be right back. Stay Tuned.

**(TV STATIC)**

Yeah, for this chapter I especially have to thank Captain Vulcan. He sent me the first three sketches on here. I only added a few lines to them and look out or the collaboration story we're currently coming up with. If you guys having any jokes, sketches, and ideas for the story, I'll be happy to post them.

Yeah and just a fun fact, the line "My girl got a girlfriend", comes from the rapper Young Dro's song 'Shoulder Lean'.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: me no own no KOF

First off, as I look back over the last chapter of this story, I notice some glaring mistakes on facts. One was Foxy, the woman with the Santa's cap, not Diane who died at the end of KOF 2001. Two, Galford the ninja, comes from California (San Francisco to be exact) not Texas, that would be the fat ass ninja, Earthquake. Both states, however, would have been under control of Mexico at the time, I somehow mixed the two up. People, I'm just a rookie at this. If you notice any mistakes I've made with the story or the characters please let me know. Or else play it off as a spoof of the messed up story.

**(TV STATIC)**

**It's the pimp movie event of the year.**

"Now, when I let you grab the steering wheel of my car, that means that I'm able to trust you, that I'm able to trust the fact that you can get the car and it's passengers home safely," Terry explained to one of his hoes, Mai, in an attempt to use the steering wheel as a metaphor for life and trust. "Now, can I trust you to get the car home safely, or are you going to let the car go over the median into oncoming traffic, head on into a minivan filled with kids coming from soccer practice, killing all of us in a fiery car wreck."

"I'm going drive us home safely," Mai responded, with confidence in tone.

"Alright. Now go out there and make my money bitch," commanded Terry, going by his pimp name, T- Bee. With a quick thrust, he slapped Mai and threw her out of the car. "And don't come back until you at least have a thousand dollars."

**The blockbuster movie, Hustle and Blow. Its the** **gripping tale of T-Bee, a broke pimp played by yours truly Terry Bogard, and his three bitches, Mai Shiranui, Bonne Jenet, and Mary Ryan, trying to make it on the rough streets of south side Southtown. **

The three women are shown with numerous scars and bruises running up and down their bodies. Their faces look rough after years of abuse. To achieve his clientele, Mai is still wearing her skimpy kunoichi outfit and B. Jenet still wears her sexy dress, with the long slit on the side. Mary is wearing the same red top, but her pants have been cut extra short, to expose her "goods".

Watch as he goes through a midlife crisis, and begins to find his life's calling: becoming a rapper.

"You want to become a rapper?" said B. Jenet, questioning T-Bee's motive. "That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."

"Bitch, don't you ever stomp on my dreams." Terry, I meant T-Bee, performs his Rising Shoulder Tackle on her, knocking her down. He then proceeds to beat the shit out of B. Jenet.

He soon runs into an old friend Duck King, an aspiring music producer. Together they turn one of the rooms in T-Bee's run down house, into a professional quality-recording studio.

"Aww right we got this mug set up, so get ready to spit, T-Bee. You got your song ready?" queried Duck, setting himself up at the mixing board.

"Hell yeah. Let's do this," T-Bee fired back as he entered the recording booth. The beat of rapper Al Kapone's(not Three 6 Mafia as many people believe) Whoop that Trick plays.

"Let's go_. Whoop that trick yeah, Whoop that trick yeah, Whoop that trick yeah, Whoop that tri_…" T-Bee rhymed before Duck King interrupted.

"The songs about whooping bitches, right?" queried Duck.

"Yeah."

"And you want to be a rapper, right?"

"Hell yeah."

"So why you censoring yourself? Walk up to that bitches face and be like I'm a beat you bitch, like this." Duck walks up to Mai's face, quickly smacking her to the ground.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" Mai questioned, as soon as she recovered. Suddenly another blow, this time from Terry- I meant T-Bee, knocked her down.

"I know what you saying now, go uncut. Hell yeahh," said T-Bee as he proceeded to beat the shit out of Mai. He returned to recording booth with a new version of the song.

"_Beat that bitch yeah, Beat that bitch yeah, Beat that bitch yeah, Beat that bitch yeah, Beat that bitch yeah_," T-Bee rhymed as his lyrics flowed with the song.

_(Later)_

"You got that new song ready? The girls ready for the vocals"

"Fuck yeah!"

"Do we have to sing this song? Its pretty stupid, I mean it's about you being the good pimp that you're not," Mai spoke out. Upon hearing this T-Bee quickly leapt up and struck Mai with a hard right hand slap.

"Ho, I am so sick of you talking, you know maybe if you had less things coming out your mouth and more things coming in there, we might have more money to spend," T-Bee angrily yelled as he knocked her around. "Now go back in there and sing the song slut."

Mai stumbled back to the microphone, where B. Jenet and Mary was ready to record.

To the beat of Three 6 Mafia's "Hard Out Here For A Pimp"

"_Ya'll know T-Bee is the best pimp (you ain't know), and he always got money for the rent_," the girls sung surprisingly well.

"That's a lie," Bonne Jenet retorted under her breathe. Out of nowhere, T-Bee pounced on the pirate/ hooker, beating her profusely.

A few beatings later that night, T-Bee finished recording his sample tape and decided to try to meet the famous rapper Geese Black (played by Geese Howard) at the Pao Pao Cafe in an effort to pass him a the tape for a hope of fame.

"I wish you the best of luck man," hoped Duck, giving him a pat on his back. Mary soon entered the room with a small box.

"Here, I got this for you," Mary softly spoke as she presented the box to T-Bee. He opened the box, revealing the item inside of it. A gold chain with his name spelled out on the pendant.

T-Bee was at a loss for words. "Ahh…girl…thank you," T-Bee grasped Mary with a loving hug. "Girl, I just wanted to say I love you. I know the first rule of pimping is to never love your ho, but girl that's just how I feel," However on inspection Terry realized his supposed gold chain wasn't exactly gold. "Bitch, this ain't gold, are you trying to make a fool out of me?" With one strong blow, he knocked Mary to the ground and brutally pummeled her. "The… man…said…it's…gold," she tried to explain but her speech was muffled by T-Bee's wailing fists.

See the drama rise as T-Bee meets up with multi-platinum rapper Geese Black at the Pao Pao Café.

"Well, there he is coming in. Geese Black, one of the top selling rappers in America," Richard Meyer informed Terry. Geese Black, wearing a black do-rag, a large black t-shirt, large black jeans and black Air Max shoes, entered the bar, along with his similarly dressed entourage, Billy, Krauser, Yamazaki, and Gato, placing themselves at the VIP section.

"Guess now is your chance," Richard muttered to T-Bee. Realizing his opportunity, T-Bee nervously entered the VIP section of the club. He walked up to the table where the rapper, hugged up on some floozy, and his entourage sat, drinking and talking shit.

"Uh, Geese Black, I just wanted to say I'm a big fan of yours…"

"Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, fuck off we busy," Geese Black brushed off without a care in the world. But yet T-Bee was not one to give up just yet.

"Yeah…I…Uhh…made this mixtape demo to see if you like…" T-Bee attempted to once again hand the rapper the tape, but was brushed off again.

"The fuck? A cassette tape? I ain't had one of those in years. What fucking year is this, 1985?" Geese's joke had everyone at the table cracking up. T-Bee was discouraged, but yet decided to have one more shot at it. He pulled a sack that he was sure would give him a chance.

"I gotta sack of weed. Stickiest of the icky," T-Bee told to Geese Black and his crew. Geese quickly snatched the bag and took a sniff. His faced seemed to fill with joy after the sniff decided to let T-Bee sit with the crew.

"Bitch, get the fuck out the seat," Geese said knocking the young woman out. "Any man with good weed is cool with me. So what is this about this demo you got?"

"It's got a few songs I made at the studio. See I just recently had a midlife crisis and wanted to become a rapper and now it's my dream."

"Man, always follow your dreams man. Dreams are all a man has. I don't care what you want to do, if you wanted become the gayest man in the world, then dammit drop the soap as many times as you can, like Ash Crimson. Just don't ever come around me," said Geese, trying to give a few words of encouragement. It was weird advice, Terry thought, but decided to keep it in his head, as he nodded in agreement.

"Man, I got to go take a dump, scoot over so I can get out," Geese Black said, moving T-Bee out of the way. While calm on the outside, Terry was excited and overjoyed in his head. A multi-platinum rapper had just taken his demo tape, and it could lead to a chance to get rich and famous. He soon made a trip to bar, ordering another drink, "Gray Goose, please."

A few minutes later, all that drinking had caught up with his kidneys. As he walked to the bathroom, he noticed a sight that would shock and disappoint him. He noticed the strands of magnetic tape from a cassette in the hallway, coming from the restroom. "_This bet not be my tape_,"T-Bee thought. Much to his disappointment, it was his tape, broken and floating in a toilet, covered in feces. His disappointment soon turned to anger as he noticed the strand of tape led to the roof of the club. He ran up the stairs to find an inebriated, dead drunk Geese Black.

"MAN WHAT DID YOU DO? THAT TAPE WAS MY DREAM!" T-Bee yelled as he picked up the drunken Geese.

"Fuck you bitch ass," said Geese Black. He was so drunk he might not have been aware of what he just did a few minutes ago, but this did not matter to T-Bee, who was full of pure anger. He drug Geese to the edge of the roof, picked him up and held him over the edge, yelling "You're gonna pay!" Geese looked down and quietly moaned "Not this again." T-Bee let go, dropping the rapper/crimeboss onto a car. The impact made a man shaped crater on a new Lexus owned by Muay Thai practitioner Joe Higashi.

"DAMN! I just washed this car today," wailed the kickboxer.

The critics say:

"It's the best movie of the year," says Pimp Magazine.

"**Easily the most offensive movie we've ever seen. There is nothing but women getting beat and women getting degraded in this film. We will spend every penny we have to make sure this movie never sees the light of day," says Woman's Magazine.**

**Come see the film with a special cameo appearance by SNK's own pimp, Mr. Big.**

"Hell yeah," says Mr. Big with a thumbs up while being cradled by his to scantily dressed women.

Hustle and Blow. Coming to theater near you soon.

**(TV STATIC)**

"Alright Kusanagi, I've been ready for this battle for a long time. We're about to settle this right now," smirked Iori, as his purple flames blazed ever so brightly.

"You ready? Lets do it then!" battle cried Kyo, with his flames burning just as intense. Suddenly, both fighters whip out an Oreo cookie and a glass of milk anime style. The two quickly twist off the chocolate wafer and begin to lick the frosting off one side of the cookie. After being the first one to completely lick the frosting off the cookie, Kyo dips the wafers into the glass of milk, with Iori not too far behind. After waiting for the moment when the cookies were nice and soft, Kyo began to stuff his mouth full of the chocolate cookie. After chewing his cookie to mush, Kyo swallowed and began chugging on his glass of milk, while Iori was chewing, just now getting to his glass of milk. With Kyo drinking every last drop his milk, and Iori still drinking with a cup more than half full, it was clear who won the Oreo cookie-eating contest.

"Yeah boy, the Kusanagis triumph again. That's what I'm talking about Yagami, ya'll ain't got shit on us. Yeah," gloated Kyo dancing around.

"Oh shut the fuck up," sighed Iori, but Kyo didn't listen. He continued to dance like a fool.

"I think this rivalry just jumped the shark," Yuki replied.

(TV STATIC)

"HA! I'm only seventeen and I'm pushing a Lamborghini Gallardo," yelled a gleeful Shingo while driving his new $200,000 supercar.

After drifting around a curve, some burnouts and a few donuts in a parking lot, Shingo spotted a few teenage girls walking down a street. He soon got the idea to try and impress the young women.

"Hey ladies," greeted Shingo as he drove up to the girls. The girls turned around to see the young fighter, and were immediately impressed with his car. "Hey Shingo," the girls greeted back.

After a lifetime of struggles and failures, Shingo found his aphrodisiac, his key to women. A large smirked formed on his face as he turned to the girls, giving them the wink and gun. Unfortunately, he was not paying attention to what was ahead.

"SMASH!"

He ran straight into a parked truck. He turned to the direction of the girls and noticed them laughing at him as they walked by.

"Dammit," groaned Shingo as he collapsed on the steering wheel.

**(TV STATIC)**

"Okay, we're looking for a new teammate for the Psycho Soldiers. Do you have what it takes to join?" asked pop idol Athena Asamiya from an audition table. Sitting with her was longtime teammate, Sie Kensou.

"Yes," answered a man auditioning for a spot on the Psycho Soldiers. He took out a spoon, closed his eyes and tried to telepathically bend the song. As he tried to use his psychic powers, the lights in the room begin to flash on and off and the room was shaking.

"Uhuhhuhuhuh, sirrrrrrrrr, said Athena as she tried to stop the man. Soon the flashing and shaking stopped and the man held up a slightly bent spoon.

"See? I knew I could do it, I bent the spoon ya see it?" asked the man.

"Sir, get the fuck out of the room," yelled Kensou. "Next." He man left with his head held low.

A tall, lanky, black man in a basketball uniform and a pathetically fake moustache entered.

"Lucky Glauber, is that you?" queried Athena.

"Uhh, I don't know a Lucky Glauber, uhh… my name is uhh… Lebron Carmelo Bryant."

"Oh hell no. Next," groaned Kensou.

"Wait you ain't seen what I can do. I've gotten better since '94, uhh… I meant I'm not Lucky Glauber."

"Get the fuck out,"

Soon a young girl with a red headband entered.

"My name is Momoko and I practice capoeira," the young girl informed.

"Hmm, show us what you got," requested Athena.

First the girl took a second to charge. Then she unleashed her kamehameha like SDM, blowing a hole through the wall.

"Hmm. Very impressive. I think we might have our new teammate, huh Athena."

"I think we may, Kensou."

Bao enters the room.

"What's going on in here? It looks and sounds like you're having an audition," asks Bao as he looked at a banner displaying a welcome for the Psycho Soldier tryouts. "Oh my gosh, you are trying to replace me."

"Well Bao, see you were gone for so long…"

"What? I only went to use the restroom, I said I would be back and now you're trying to replace me."

"Replace is such a harsh word for this situation," Athena tried to comfort.

"It's the perfect word. Bao, you're an annoying little freak that's been holding our team back for too long. We want to move up to the next level," backed up Kensou.

"Oh my God," cried Bao as he ran out of the room.

"Do you think we were too harsh," asked Athena.

"Hey, somebody had to tell him."

**(TV STATIC)**

"Ayyye, this ya boy Young Jeezy, lettin' ya'll know I'm kickin' it with ya boy Sie Kensou,. He goin' be back after these commercials, cheah"

Sorry for the delay, I had some creative trouble with this chapter. Gotta thank ya'll for sticking with me. Please review.


End file.
